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The Best of Taylor Swift on The Tonight Show

This is the text version of the YouTube video "The Best of Taylor Swift…".

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-I was thinking let's test this out. Let's test the waters. I mean, we know each other. You're studying right now? I have a pen. -Let's go. It's time. -There's a pen and paper right there. -Okay. -Alright. So here you go. Starting here. Wait. So we have 20 seconds on the clock. -You can't look down. -Can't look down at the thing. -Yeah. Starting now. -Ready? Starting now. Go. I saw you draw a big face already. I saw you draw a big face. [ Laughter ] ♪♪ -Oh, God, no. -Oh. Did you look down? -No, no, no, no. -Now you're looking up, so now... -[ Buzzer sounds ] -Alright. Let me see your drawing of me. [ Audience awws ] ♪♪ [ Laughs ] That's really good. -I did the hearts so that no matter how badly I did the face, it would redeem -- -You don't tell me that. You keep that a secret to yourself. -Oh, okay. -Here -- It's not bad. Here's my drawing of you. -Ohh. -Not bad. ♪♪ -Artistic. Very artistic. ♪♪ -Can you see me, by the way? Uh, yeah. -Okay, good. 'Cause I just was wondering, 'cause I under-- Didn't you just get Lasik surgery? -I did. How do you know that? [ Laughter ] -You got Lasik surgery, which is a major surgery. -It i-- Yeah, but, um... [ Laughter ] I did, but I don't -- I don't even tell people that. -But you can see me perfect? I just want to make sure, yeah. -No, it was great. I really can see very well. -Do you take painkillers or anything when you do that stuff? [ Laughter ] Well, I mean, do they give you like laughing gas or something? -They definitely give you some pretty hard-core pills after you... -Yeah. -...have a laser in your eye. What is going on? [ Laughter ] -So you're saying -- So, post-surgery, you're a little loopy? You know? You have things on your eyes? And -- -What's happening right now? [ Laughter ] [ Drumroll ] -Your mom may or may not have videotaped you after surgery. [ Audience "Oohs," applause ] [ Laughter ] And she gave us the video. [ Laughter and applause ] -For the television? -Wait. This is a world premiere. You got to check this out. [ Drumroll ] [ Cheers ] This is Taylor Swift, post-surgery. You were, like, freaking out over a banana. [ Laughter ] Anyway, here's Taylor at home after her Lasik surgery. Video taken by her mom. Take a look at this. This is real. -Okay, so, she found -- she found a snack. -That wasn't the one I wanted. [ Laughter ] -Stop. You can't cry. That's not supposed to be what you're doing. -I tried to get this one. -Okay, I'm gonna get the other one for you. Okay. -I wanted this one, but what do we do with this now? -I'll eat it. I'll eat it. It's mine. -But it doesn't have a head. -Honey, it's fine. I don't need a head. -Okay. I'm crying. I'm fine. -Don't -- You don't want to cry. That's not what you want to do. -Sometimes it doesn't go your way. [ Laughter ] -Don't fall asleep eating a banana, okay? -I'm not asleep. My mind is alive. -Okay. [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Don't be mad. Don't be mad. Don't be mad at me. Don't be mad at me. I made some calls. -Oh, my God! -I may have made some calls. -That's on television. -Me and your mom -- [ Laughter ] You goes, "This one doesn't have a head. What are we gonna do with it?" [ Laughter ] Me and your mom stayed in touch. -Wait. She was kind enough to drive me there but cruel enough to film it and give it to you? [ Laughter ] -Yes, that's what -- That's what a good mom does. -Ugh! -I love you, Mom! That's what a good mom does. -I was -- You notice the -- I had these goggles on, which are really high fashion. But then they had to tape it to my head. -Yeah, and you're not allowed to cry. And just -- Oh. The whole thing was so funny. -But I was crying, I think, over a banana. [ Laughter ] -Oh, my gosh. -Oh, my God. -Anyways, tell your mom thanks again for that. -Oh. -She's the best. -You know what? I'm gonna tell her something. [ Laughter ] -Alright, buddy. The Roots are gonna start playing a song one instrument at a time. Taylor and I can buzz in and guess as soon as we know the song. But if you guess wrong, the other person gets a chance to steal. -Ugh. Treacherous. -You can play -- -Crazy. -You can play along at home. Roots, let's hear the first song, whenever you're ready. Oh, man. ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Beep ] -"Oops!...I Did It Again," Britney Spears? -No! [ Buzzer ] -Oh, wait, wait, wait! ♪♪ "Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears! Ohh! -Oh, my gosh! Come on! Ugh! What did I say? What did I say? I said "Oops"? -That's shameful. -I thought that like -- -It's those chords. -[ Vocalizing ] -It's them Max Martin chords. -Max Martin chords. Gosh darn it! I'm so mad. All right. Ugh. Of course, Taylor's gonna kill me at this. All right. Let's hear the next song. ♪♪ ♪♪ -Ohh! [ Beeping ] -♪ Da-na, na-na ♪ -I know it. I know it. -[ Mumbling lyrics ] "Pour Some Sugar On Me," Def Leppard! -Ohh! ♪♪ Sorry, sorry. I don't even know the words. I'm like -- ♪ Hit me like a bomb, then then come on na-na-na ♪ ♪ Na-na-na-na-na, with a red iPhone ♪ A red iPhone? -It's actually radar phone. -It's radar phone? I thought it was a red iPhone. -They were super-ahead of their time.

-"Trust me, in the future, everyone's gonna have a red..." -This song came out in the '80s, and they know about iPhones. -Yeah, man, they're prescient. All right, here we go. Let's hear the next song. -"Trust me, in the future, everyone's gonna have a red..." -This song came out in the '80s, and they know about iPhones. -Yeah, man, they're prescient. All right, here we go. Let's hear the next song. ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Beep ] -It's Nelly, it's Nelly, it's Nelly. It's "Hot in Herre." Ha! -What? [ Cheers and applause ] -What? -This is my favorite song. ♪♪ -Ohh! How did you get that? Oh, my gosh. -Yes. -All right. [ Cheers and applause ] Gosh. You are proving that you're a genius. Come on. How would you guess that from that? -Just, like, middle school. It imprints on you. -"Hot in Herre." "Hot in Herre." -Mm-hmm. -Here we go. Let's hear the next one. ♪♪ I'd love it if you guessed it now. ♪♪ [ Beep ] "Bad Guy," Billie Eilish. [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ Whew. All right. Coming back. Coming back, man. Whoo! -Okay. -There's a little bit -- That's a little bit of a lot. -Too much. Yeah. Why don't you just say, "You need to calm down"? Just say it. All right. Come on. I set you up. I set you up. [ Cheers and applause ] -I've had to learn to say different versions of common phrases like "Shake it off." -Yeah, you can't say that anymore? -"You need to calm down." Like, I've had to figure out how to not to say puns of my own songs in conversation. I've gotten sort of good at it. -Let's hear the next song. Here we go. ♪♪ ♪♪ -"Kiss Me," Sixpence None The Richer. -Oh, my God! Yes! ♪♪ You even got the band? ♪♪ ♪ Kiss me ♪ Sixpence None The Richer. You even got the band. -That was the first song I learned to play on guitar. Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ] -Me too. All right. Let's hear the next song. -Okay. ♪♪ [ Beep ] -Is it "No Scrubs"? [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -What the heck? How did you guess that? -It's the chords. -Whoa! -It's the chords. -How did you get that? -It's just chords in a song. -Oh, my gosh. It's the chords in the song. -I'm really too excited. I'm flushed and -- -I know. This is a fun game. I really have met my match. -Really fun. -This is unbelievable. All right. It's time for the final song. This is worth 10,000 points. -Towards what? -It's anyone's game. Whoever wins this, wins the whole game. -Okay. -Roots, take it away, whenever you're ready. ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Beep ] -"Shake It Off"? [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ [ Laughs ] Yeah! ♪♪ I'm sorry. No, no, no. Come on. Oh, I love it! That's my favorite thing that ever happened on the whole show ever. Taylor Swift, everybody! Now, here's how it works. We have nine mystery boxes containing objects no one has ever seen before. On your turn, you pick a box. Take out the object. Describe the object to your opponent, okay? And they have to guess if you're lying or telling the truth. We'll play three rounds. I mean, and, you know, I'm not that good of an actor, so... -That's ridiculous. Don't say things like that. That's your first lie. Immediately know. -Why don't you choose the first box? Any one. Any number you'd like. -Okay. -[ Humming ] Oh, number one. Okay. -Big shock. -Yeah, yeah. Oh, look at this. Not that heavy, so that's the first hint. All right. Here we go. Yeah. -[ Gasps ] -[ Chuckles ] -Oh, my God. -Uh-huh. [ Laughter ] -Where do I put it? -You can put it here in the front. I won't see it. Are you going to lie to me... or are you going to tell the truth, Taylor Swift? -I don't have to lie because I'm very excited to tell you that it is a "Wizards of Waverly Place" DVD with a weird ribbon around it that says, "I see corn." -So specific. It sounds like something our writers would do, but then you're delivering it very innocent. Which makes me think that you're maybe...making it up. Now you're laughing that I said you're making it up. -I could be doing a double bluff. -All right. I'm just going to say it. Taylor Swift, you are... telling the truth. -I lied! -[ Buzzer ] -Aah! Come on! Oh, my God. -I lied. -You lied. You did it. -I lied. -Oh, my God. -I have a binoculars set with corn stuffed in it. It's very upsetting. It has baby corn at the top. It's bad. -I'm sorry. -You should have known I was lying because I will do anything to bring up Selena Gomez. Anything! -I want to -- It's my turn to pick. Which number shall I pick? [ Audience shouting ] Here we go. [ Grunting ] -Ah. Okay. This is excellent. This is really rough. What's happening over here? Okay. -[ Panting ] Okay. [ Laughter ] [ Chuckles ] Where -- Where do I begin? Uh... -It's a good one. -Yeah. -Yeah. -It's a family of pinecones playing "Trouble." -The game? -No. The song. -It'd be relevant. -"I Knew You Were Trouble." It would be relevant for "Red." -It would be relevant. -That's what I'm feeling. -I just didn't know if they had the sheet music for it or something. -Whatever it is, it's odd. It's weird and it's real. Or am I lying? -Um, well, maybe you're telling the truth about the pinecone... -♪ Trouble, trouble, trouble ♪ -Okay. [ Drum roll ] You tell the truth. -[ Buzzer ] -I got you! -Oh, my God! [ Cheers and applause ] Oh, my God. -Ahh! [ Giggling ] Whoo! Whoo! That felt good. Man, I'm exhausted. -That was amazing. You should be. -I don't act. I don't know how to act. -No, you do. -Don't know how to act. -Either that, or we're, like, the worst poker players, the worst -- We should never -- We shouldn't be allowed outside. -We really shouldn't be allowed outside. -Too gullible. -We're too gullible. -Yeah. -But you know what? But here we go. This is the last one. This is for all the marbles right here. -Yeah. -Taylor, you're up. Here we go. Come on. Which one? [ Cheers and applause ] Three? All right. I'm not looking. Not looking. Not looking. Not hearing. Not listening. We can still make noise. So I don't cheat. -[ Cheers and applause ] -I don't know what's happening. -Okay. ♪♪ I've got in my vision... um, a book. [ Laughter ] A b-- A book called, um, "I'm Not Loving It: My Life Under the Golden Arches," and it looks like it's a biography written by, um... -Ray Kroc? -...by a fuzzy monster with, um, seal hands. Um, it says it's written by Grimace. Is that -- Is that -- Is that a spokesperson for something? -It's very famous. Grimace is very -- Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're very young, Taylor. But, yes, Grimace is giant. We don't know really what Grimace was. Is he purple where you are? -It's actually a black-and-white cover. It's a very serious book. Um, inside the book, it's -- You know how you can cut out the pages of a book? -Sure. I know that. -Yeah, there's French fries and a hamburger in here. [ Laughter and applause ] ♪♪ -Wow! Taylor Swift... [ Drum roll ] You tell the truth. -I do. -Yes! [ Cheers and applause ]

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