If He Doesn't Want A Relationship, Don't Give Him Benefits!

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- So there's this idea that we are taught at a very young age, and that is when something isn't working for us, whether it's school or work or something on the athletic field, let's say you're playing football, like when I was playing football, if you weren't doing well, just work harder, push harder, invest more. And we're just always taught never give up, always put more into things. Now that does work. I mean hard work and investment, and putting more into something tends to get you more results in most areas of your life. However, when it comes to relationships, sometimes that's just not the case. And sadly it seems that a lot of us, when we get stuck in a relationship where it is turning casual and it's not clear what the boundaries are of the relationship, a lot of us think that the more we put into it, naturally the more we will get out of it. And this video is really focused on helping to debunk that idea so you can finally be on a path to finding love. Keep watching. (gentle music) Hey there, I'm Adam Lodolce from SexyConfidence.com, where I help you create your love story. And if you enjoy videos just like this, make sure you subscribe on YouTube. Or if you're watching this on Instagram, make sure you follow the handle @sexyconfidence because I'm going to have a lot of content coming up this upcoming year. Now I wanna start this video out with just a very blanket statement so I'm very clear about the position I'm taking. If a guy doesn't want a relationship, don't give him the benefits of being in a relationship. And where this is coming from is we now live in a culture where sex is cheap, and I understand that, and I'm not against casual sex if that's what you want. If you wanna be in casual relationships and you wanna just have flings, that's totally cool. I've certainly done that in my life. But if you finally are in a place in your life where you do want to attract love, or you're open to the idea of attracting love, then these types of relationships are truly holding you back from what it is you want. Being stuck in a casual relationship when you are trying to find love is very similar to trying to lose weight and eating cookies every single night of the week. Like in this analogy you can be working out every single morning, you can be eating salads for lunch, but if you're coming home every single night, watching Netflix and mowing down like a thing of Tate's chocolate chip cookies, which by the way I'm super into myself, but if you're doing that every single night it doesn't matter how much of these other things you're going to do, this toxicity, the Tate's, I'm sorry Tate's, that is what's going to hold you back from actually losing the weight. And I want you to think of these casual relationships in the same sense. When you are finding yourself constantly stuck in these casual relationships and just thinking to yourself like well look I do wanna meet other people, I am getting out there meeting other people, but the sex is so good, I have a great emotional connection with this guy, he's there for me, he listens to me, what that is doing is it's holding you back emotionally because we only have so much emotional energy to give to the world. And in many ways I want you to rid yourself of this toxic type of relationship. It's actually going to make you more motivated to get out there and meet the right type of person. So I wanna tell you a quick story. Back when I was about 24 years old, about 10 years ago now, and I was in a type of what's called casual relationship. I was seeing this woman once a week, maybe twice a week on like a big week. And yeah we were hooking up and all that good stuff. But I was not in a time where I was looking to settle down, get married, anything like that. And I thought it was pretty clear. We never had the talk or any type of talk about what this was, but it seemed pretty clear to me. It was just once a week and that was pretty much it. And she was a really nice girl. Like thinking back on it she was a great person. She would come over, she would sometimes cook me dinner. I would sometimes go to her place. We would have a great night together. We really enjoyed each other's time. We would talk a lot about interesting things that kind of mattered to me a lot at the time. But, again, we would never really talk about anything relationship focused. And then I remember specifically there was a night that I went out where of course she wasn't there, and I was just doing what I normally would do, and I'm talking to people. And I guess I was talking to one woman at a bar, and her friend apparently saw me at this bar talking to another girl, which I don't know made sense to me. And her friend immediately texted her to let her know that I'm talking to some girl at the bar. And then later that night I get a text from her that is like, I don't remember what the exact text was, but it was super passive aggressive, and it was like look, if you don't wanna be with me then don't be with me, whatever, I'm over this, bye. It was something like that. So I'm the type of person, like I don't like texting, having certainly serious conversations like that over text. So I give her a call and ask her what is going on. And she immediately goes straight into it. How could you betray me? How could you be out talking to other girls? I thought that we were together. And she immediately starts accusing me of cheating on her. Needless to say I was in shock and just totally, totally caught off guard in this situation, thinking to myself like I didn't know you could cheat on someone that you weren't actually in a relationship with. Long story short, that situation I was in ended very quickly. And I think that this is a common situation that happens nowadays. Both men and women find themselves in a situation where they assume that just because there are relationship benefits involved, emotions, sex, time spent together, that it is a relationship. And clearly in this situation this woman fell into that trap. Now, again, I'm not absolving myself from the situation. If I could go back in time, I think I would have coached my younger self a little bit better, but I can't. But really at the end of the day there's only one person that can protect your heart, and that is you. Removing yourself from these types of situations where you are giving and giving everything you can, you're making him dinner, you're giving him time, you're doing him favors, you're picking up even his kids at school, you're giving him gifts during the holidays. You're doing all of these things that are typically resolved for a real relationship, however, you're not in a relationship. And my message to you in this video is that just because you are giving and getting relationship benefits does not mean that it's a relationship. And worse off, just because you are giving doesn't mean that you're going to receive anything from this relationship. I think it's easy when you fall into this casual trap to think that if only this person will see me for who I really am, and if only I can give them more. If they'll only really understand who I am and how much I have to give in this relationship, then they'll change their mind. And the reality is actually the more that you give the more that they just won't appreciate you. So look, if you're looking for casual relationships and you're not in a place where you can actually be in a relationship, that's fine, I don't judge you, totally cool. But this community is really designed for women who are at that time in their life where they want something more for themselves, where they actually have that vision for their life, and that includes a partner. And that is where I need you to say to yourself, and really commit right now to no more casual relationships. And if you do want a little bit more help in this area, figuring out how to get out of the casual trap and finally find a committed relationship, I actually have a course called the casual to committed blue print. I will leave a link right there below in the description if you're watching this on YouTube, or my bio if you're watching this on Instagram, @sexyconfidence. I would check out that course, take the course. And it's all created based on this framework that I call the power system. And it give you the power to choose what it is that you want in relationships. So I explain everything in the video in the link in the description. I would love for you to check that out. And also, if you did enjoy this video, it's a little bit different than I normally do, it's a little bit of a rant today. Please give this a like and give it a heart if you're watching this on Instagram. Don't forget to subscribe or follow me on Instagram, @sexyconfidence, and finally, if you do just want more resources to help you through every single stage of finding love to keeping love, make sure to head on over to sexyconfidence.com. And I will speak to you sexy single ladies next week. Goodbye.

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